Joined: 12 Jul 2018
|Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:18 am
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John K. NJ says: "I'm struggling to cope with a major issue around infidelity. You see my wife met a guy recently at chamber of commerce dinner Cheap Air Max 2018 Sale , and now she calls him all the time for 'advice' and even though they seem to just be friends, her whole tone, body language and intensity suggests that she feels something more for this guy. Is she being unfaithful to me in her head? How do I handle this
John raised a pretty tough question here because what you seem to be experiencing with your wife is a case of 'emotional infidelity' or 'emotional cheating and emotional betrayal can be just as destructive as any other kind.
Let's step back and consider the story of Sue and Tom. Sue is an executive assistant to a well |known local businessman. Her job is pretty stressful and involves dealing with difficult personalities and office politics all day. Her boss is demanding and not always fair. She likes her job but there are some days she just wants to throw in the towel. Her husband though very supportive is a successful plumber, and a guy used to working with his hands and just getting the job done. People and politics bore him to tears. When he gets home, he just wants to shower, eat and relax in front of a good game or movie.
When Sue first saw Tom it was just a glance. Two people catching the others eye for a split second at a local chamber of commerce social function. But that split second glance unlocked a wave of emotion in both of them. For Sue, it might have been sudden catch of her breath, a flutter in her chest and the irresistible temptation to seek out those magnetic eyes again. For Tom the reaction might have been more immediately exciting. She was simply stunning, with those large dark eyes framed by wavy hair. Maybe he felt a surge of some emotion he really couldn't define. Now Sue and Tom were both married or in committed relationships with other people and cheating, either emotionally or physically was something far from their minds. After all, both were ethical people who'd never consider cheating on their partners, and couldn't imagine that you could be having an emotional affair with someone just because you caught each others eyes at for a moment.
Regardless the stage was set for an emotional affair. The moment they made their way across the room to the same spot at the bar, the emotional cheating had already begun and even though they might never consummate the 'affair' physically, they were already exhibiting some clear signs of emotional infidelity. Fast track a couple of months ahead, and Sue and Tom have formed a close bond, were sharing all kinds of stories about life, relationships and personal challenges. Tom picked up the slack that Sue's husband left and listened intently to her complaints about office politics and personalities, and gave her the shoulder and attention she needed. There was undeniable chemistry between them, and Sue found herself thinking about him more and more. And that's when John wrote to me. If Sue's husband John, whose letter we started this page with, hadn't intervened at that point, Sue admits she believes her emotional infidelity would have become a full blown affair.
As it was, she and John are today much more in tune than they have ever been, though John admits that he can't shake off a sense of dread that it may happen again. But how do you recognize the signs of emotional cheating?
As you know, my style of life coaching is pretty real and down to earth. I'm no psychiatrist and have no certificates on my walls, but my streetwise education has given me tremendous insight into human nature. You don't come through the streets without having seen just about every form of human interplay there is. Including the many different types of emotional infidelity. It takes some people a long time to develop the degree of self awareness required understand that they are indeed having an emotional affair. And some folks never will continuing to deny the reality till they're blue in the face.
So here are some streetwise clues on how to identify whether your relationship with someone else constitutes emotional cheating. Consider this an Emotional Cheater early warning system!
- Secrecy and covering up actions.
-Sexual chemistry and consistent flirting
- Sexual intimacy, even if it's just using sexy words and there's no skin or bodily contact involved!
- Self justification working hard to rationalize to yourself why this is all OK
- Sharing tales out of school - talking about stuff with your 'emotional lover' that is personal to you and your partner
- Guilt awareness, even if you've pushed it to the back of your mind that you are doing something that is betraying your partners trust.
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